99% of people allow their external environment to determine how they feel.
A driver cuts you off and you feel like chasing him down the street; a shop assistant is rude to you and you feel like telling her all about herself…
Or perhaps something good happens….like you get a promotion or your holiday is finally here and you don’t have to worry about anything for the next 2 weeks….joy!
And yes, its human nature to FEEL emotions.
But if we allow them to dictate our lives i.e. to determine whether we spend Monday feeling great or like the world is ending then they aren’t really serving us….
In society, there is a kind of victim mentality where we are taught its okay to blame others for the feelings they invoke in us….
That our partners are responsible for making us feel happy and secure….
That if we have ANY negative feelings then we should look outside for reasons why….
Now, there might be conditions in your life you want to change. BUT you need to address the inner FIRST. Because don’t ya know…the inner reflects the outer…back to this in a mo…
“You made me feel….”.
But can you see just how disempowering such a belief is?
Sure, on the outside you might really think that your partner, mother or best friend has really pushed your buttons. But every time you blame something outside of yourself for your emotional happiness, you give a little bit more of your power away.
And this is sadly the way the most of the population lives. Unconscious.
In reality, it’s not really the person, situation or event that has created these emotions inside of you at all.
It’s YOU who created YOUR emotions by how you have PERCEIVED the event (based on your subconscious programming).
….I mean two people can experience the same shop assistant yet have the complete opposite reaction…
And secondly, it’s your inability to remain mindful and process your emotions for what they are, as they happen.
The driver cut you off. It irritated you.
But WHERE did it irritate you?
You literally have to FEEL the sensation inside of yourself.
Was it in your stomach, your throat? Did the sensation feel heavy, light, on fire, cold?
When you can sit with your emotions and FEEL them as they happen, they don’t stick around for long.
Because emotions are transient.
They are forever passing (they’re just energy after all).
They alert us of things.
Feel them, thank them, and let them pass.
And usually, with a few minutes, they have gone.
The issues arise when we try to ignore them, we shout and scream at the driver like he’s going to give us some kind of resolve. But how can he? They are YOUR emotions.
And the more we ignore our emotions, the more complicated they become. Because they build up on top of each other and before you know it, you don’t even know WHY you feel a certain way, you don’t even know how you feel because you’ve ignored them for so long, your original fear has morphed into anxiety, irritation into stress…..
You’re lost. Confused. Life seems like a downward spiral.
You have to learn to be mindful about how you feel in every moment.
It will seem hard at first, but you’ll start to do it, at first with the ‘bigger’ things, like you have an argument with your spouse, FEEL the sensation, where it is in your body, its texture, weight, colour…..and you’ll feel it evaporate like the energy that it is.
Don’t get caught up in the illusion of justifying your anger by blaming what the other person did, or what the external circumstance has done to you. This only keeps you trapped.
Here is a lesson to try to live from.
When you are feeling ANY negative emotion, DO NOT approach another human being and blame them for it.
Sure, your partner may have made a complete mess in the house that you spent 3 hours cleaning yesterday (true story).
Yep, he needs telling.
But you have to deal with your emotions first and get yourself to a better feeling state. Not for him, or to prevent an argument (although this will positively affect your relationships), but for YOURSELF.
Because negative emotions are weak.
When you have listened to them and allowed them to pass you regain your centre of power.
And when you regain your centre of power not only do you feel better you’re also more likely to get the outcome you want because you are able to communicate far more effectively and not from your emotional monkey brain that takes over when you’re in a heightened state of emotion.