Everyone has there share of hard times and whilst there isn’t a magic pill to take the pain away immediately, there are certain steps you can certainly do to make things a little easier…
1.Give yourself time
The first is to give yourself time. Because when unexpected things happen in our lives we can become overwhelmed in emotion – meaning our ‘monkey brain’ kicks in, making it hard to think straight (or logically).
When I had my car accident I felt like I couldn’t think straight simply because of the emotional trauma of it. My mind felt numb.
When this happens it’s best to allow yourself to rest and process things before making hasty decisions or trying to logically think about the next steps. You aren’t in the right frame of mind to make good decisions.
Know that it might take a few hours, a few weeks or even a few months or even longer for you to be able to come to terms with whats happened, depending on what it is, for example losing a job versus the death of a loved one.
And you must allow yourself the space to go through the emotions. You must be kind to yourself.
But know that with time, things WILL get better.
I once read a message that I’ll never forget…I was backpacking around Jamaica at the time and we’d stopped in a local gift shop, it was a trinket and it said this…
“Something that will make you happy when you’re sad, and sad when you’re happy…This time shall pass”.
Time IS a healer.
2. Talk about it
Talking about it helps us to gain clarity around the issue, it also allows us to gather other peoples perspectives on it -allowing you to see it in a different light – perhaps its not as bad as you thought, or perhaps they have some information that will soothe you, perhaps they may have even been through a similar situation.
But just be careful who you choose to talk about it with because if you get a negative nelly, you may just come away feeling worse!
3. Allow yourself to feel it
Don’t try to fight or ignore your feelings or emotions because you will only trap them.
You must feel them if you are ever going to be able to release them.
And I mean physically feel them – where are they? In your stomach, your throat? Are they hot, cold, tingly? When you keep feeling your emotions like this, they eventually dissipate.
I realise these are only words, and it’s natural for people to go through a grieving process when hard things happen – grieving doesn’t only happen in death, it happens when we’ve been through emotional upset and trauma. And simply by being aware of the process allows you to realise that it is a natural process and it’s not forever, it WILL get better.
4. Practice self-care as a priority
Sometimes emotions and thoughts can be all-consuming, which is very taxing on our body. You might not feel like it – but right now is the exact time you need to practice self-care.
Eat foods that nourish your body. No doubt you’re already feeling down and sluggish. So eat foods that will give you the energy to begin to get your feet back on the ground.
Yes, it’s a cliche, it’s always recommended. But exercise allows you to move that energy in your body – shifting those hurtful emotions and feelings, it also releases positive chemicals in your brain, making you feel happier. Which is a definite if you’re feeling on the downside.
Taking time for long baths, face masks and whatever other downtime you may need – I’m talking about the things that really relax you and let your body breathe away from the stress and tension.
5. Try to look for the silver lining
Okay, this can be a hard one, depending on the challenge you’re facing.
Maybe it’s created the end of something for you – a job, a relationship, which can all be painful, but with endings come new beginnings, new chapters, new opportunities.
Perhaps you’ve received bad news in another area – health, debt…whatever it is, the thing has happened, there’s no turning back time BUT what you can do it start to move forward from it. At least now you’re on a level playing field – you know the truth of the matter and you can begin to look for the best path going forward, which will make your life smoother than if you didn’t know at all.
6. Practice gratitude
Be grateful for what you do have in your life – it could be anything. That you are alive, that you have food, loved ones, even how beautiful the flowers look…be grateful and your mindset will surely shift…
Consider that there is usually always someone in a worse situation than you, count your blessings, choose to see the good in everything, no matter how hard it is at times.
Living on the positive side of life will transform your perspective and therefore your quality of life.
7. Look for the lesson in everything.
How is this hardship enabling you to grow as a person? Perhaps it is making you more compassionate towards others, more appreciative towards what you do have in life, there is always something positive …sometimes it just takes some digging.
8. Realise that You ARE stronger than you think you are
We often think we are unable to cope with certain situations, and at the time it might feel like you can’t – which is the illogical, emotional monkey brain kicking in – but as this passes, and with time, you’ll find your true strength with each passing day.
Pain is a part of life and it helps us to grow.
I know that if I hadn’t been through some of my most traumatising experiences I wouldn’t have half as much understanding or compassion for people…. back then, I saw everything much more black and white, right and wrong, I was unknowingly ignorant.
It was only until I experienced things myself that I realised how hard it was for others going through similar experiences. And that opened up my compassion for all people – because suddenly you realise everyone has their own battle that you know nothing about.
9. Practice courage in the face of fear
The reason many experiences are often hard to deal with is because they are our fears in reality …a sick loved one, a relationship breakup, a death, losing a job….whatever it may be for you, big or small, recognise it is fear.
And when you can face this fear, own it – put words to it, and come through it, you will emerge a stronger person.
This doesn’t mean you don’t feel scared, upset, or angry, it means you practice courage and face your fear for what it is.
Whatever it is – Is it really as bad as you think it is?
Whatever is happening right now, will it matter in 5, 10 years?
Most things will not.
But depending on the how big the issue …expand your perspective. Because in the grand scheme of things. I certainly believe – and know that we are eternal beings, your life is a small part of your journey, where you will learn and experience and continue to grow and expand your level of consciousness.
Everything is a lesson for your divine growth. It’s just hard to see it at the time.
10. And finally…take ownership
You might not be able to change the situation right now, or maybe you can, only you know that? But ONE thing you definitely can change is how you deal with it.
And don’t forget to be Kind to yourself!